you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
