You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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