The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
