It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
