i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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