Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
