dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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