I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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