At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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