can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
