Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He better not be in your backpack
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
