dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
