***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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