He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You don't make any sense
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