im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
