I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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