he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
