Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
