Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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