I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
