Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
