they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
