foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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