Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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