You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
