so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
