I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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