i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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