He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
