jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
