You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
