If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
