we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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