i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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