Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
