Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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