why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
