I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
