the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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