Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
