How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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