You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
