so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
