Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sober January is a disaster.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
