if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
operation have a gay friend backfired
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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