I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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