o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
