dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize