three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
