Kiss
Puke
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize