She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize