I think my vagina is haunted
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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