Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
