girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
