um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
