We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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