i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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