I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
