I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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