Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
