Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
