Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
