he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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