3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
