is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
