does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
