Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
