Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
