Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
