Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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