I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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