sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
