I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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