my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
