I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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