Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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