If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
