Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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